its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
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why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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