pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
