I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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