"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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