we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am midnight drunk by noon
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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