your parents love me but you hate me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You ruined the universe
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
