Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize