Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
