Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.