So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
