So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Let's paint friendship bongs
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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