That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
