yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.