just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins