guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.