Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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