So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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