Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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