What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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