Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
