you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
