You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
