I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.