So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.