I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
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I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome