Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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