I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
