having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Life is so much better after having sex.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
