I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
