I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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