my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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