First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
