I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
