I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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