he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
