remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize