just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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