Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They took my balls.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
