I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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