We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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