we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
