I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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