Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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