You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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