It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
