note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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