Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
