I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
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It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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