Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
