that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize