Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
