I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
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All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
false alarm, still single
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