Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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