my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
