I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize