your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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